


The Magic Turtle's Home

by panaceaa, Townycod13



Series: The Magic Turtle [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, but at least he has Kenny, psychic Kyle is not having a good time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panaceaa/pseuds/panaceaa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: Kyle figures out a terrible secret about Clyde's horrible turtle.





	The Magic Turtle's Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaisleyWraith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyWraith/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Pais! You're amazing and we love you<3

  

When Kyle recieved a knock on his front door, perhaps the last thing he’d been expecting was for Butters Stotch and Clyde Donovan to be standing on his doorstep with a small turtle being held within the latter’s arms.

Still, here they were.

With a sigh, Kyle responds to the situation in the most logical way he can think of. “Guys,” he says tiredly, “what the hell are you doing?”

“Why we’ve been goin’ door to door lookin’ for a home for this here turtle,” Butters chirps with a giant smile. Huh, maybe he did have ‘salesman’ in his future, could probably sell Girl Scout cookies or something. “He sure is a cute lil’ guy, isn’t he?”

In response to Butters’ words, Clyde lifts the turtle up above his head in an action that reminds Kyle strangely of _The Lion King_. If of course, the young lion had been replaced with a small turtle whose legs were moving as if it was stuck in a perpetual state of trying to swim.

Blinking up at the creature, Kyle stares wordlessly until Clyde lowers the turtle back to his side. In that time he feels Kenny’s presence come up beside him, probably to see what all the commotion was about. He watches as Clyde’s gaze shifts over to Kenny, before a slow grin slides across his features.

“Oh, sorry,” he says slowly with a suggestive wriggle of his brow, “we’re not _interrupting_ anything, are we?”

Yeah, if by interrupting he meant playing video games while trying to pretend that a stupid army of butterflies didn’t assault his stomach everytime Kenny so much as looked his way. And Kenny had a way of looking at him an awful lot; bright blue eyes constantly catching his own. A glimmer of _something_ swirling within that Kyle recognized yet was terrified to name. The butterflies’ war on his stomach was an ever losing battle, not that Kyle had even tried to win that war.

Still, that was none of Clyde’s business.

Crossing his arms in what is the most dignified pose of nonchalance, Kyle rolls his eyes and retorts with, “Shut up Clyde. You know Kenny and I are just friends.”

“Yeah sure. Okay. I get it, _friends_. Like me and Butters are just _friends_.”

Kyle watches with surprise as Clyde flourishes his words by wrapping his free arm around Butters’ shoulders.

“The best of pals,” Butters adds affectionately, leaning into his side.

Huh, so apparently Clyde and Butters got together then? Well that was good, they seemed happy.

Must have been nice.

“Foolish humans.”

The voice comes from nowhere, and the words as well as the voice is strange. Still, Kyle’s immediate thought goes to Kenny because between the gruffness of Mysterion and his old choice of imitating a princess, the blond always did have an act for voices.

But, as Kyle turns, he notices that Kenny was watching the two of them with something distinctly soft and happy in his expression. He catches Kyle looking at him before a faint flush colors his cheeks and he looks away.

Huh, weird.

Deciding to ignore it for now, Kyle sighs and opens the door a little wider, gesturing for the two of them to come in. No use talking at the door.

It’s only once Butters and Clyde walk into the house and head towards the sofa that Kyle hears the voice again.

“Must we dally?” The voice sighs, clearly exasperated. “At this rate I’ll be stuck with these two idiots for the next millennium.”

Kyle closes the front door with a click and turns to frown at Kenny who was still standing beside him. “Kenny, did you say something?”

Kenny shakes his head no, and a spark of concern flashes through his eyes. “Everything okay, Ky?” He asks in that quiet way of his, as to keep anything that might be wrong strictly between them.

It was one of the many things that Kyle loved about him.

“It’s nothing,” Kyle says, attempting a reassuring smile. He hadn’t been getting very much sleep at night, maybe his mind was just freaking out and hearing things. No need to worry Kenny over phantom voices.

Still, it’s clear that Kenny doesn’t buy his false assurance, and sticks by his side as Kyle moves over to the living room. He squeezes in next to Kyle on the armchair, and Kyle does his best to focus on the comfort the warmth of his familiar presence brings him, and not at the electric current that tingles everywhere their bodies press together.

“Ah and yet another case of uselessly enamored humans,” says the voice, successfully snapping Kyle out of his momentary reverie, “how utterly predictable.”  

“We are not uselessly enamored!” Kyle snaps without thinking.

He’s met with three pairs of eyes staring at him in a mix of confusion and concern.

Eyes widening with a sudden horrifying realization, his gaze finally drops down to the small innocent looking reptile that Clyde had placed on the floor between them.

“Oh well this is rather _interesting_ ,” the turtle says with amusement lacing his tone. “So you can hear me mortal?”

Nope. No, he was not dealing with this.

“Kyle!?” He hears Kenny call after him in surprise as he shoots up from his seat and heads towards the door. It was his own house but he didn’t even care. He’d apologize and make up some excuse later, for now he had to go somewhere where the world still made sense.

Somewhere that there wasn’t a turtle who was currently still calling after him in a voice that was saturated with pompous authority.

“Return at once, mortal!”

“Aww look, Kyle!” Butters adds into the cacophony as Kyle grabs his jacket and keys. “He’s followin’ ya! He must really like ya!”

Kyle whips his head around to see the small reptile slowly making its way across the floor towards him.

“I demand you carry me back to my home at once foolish human!”

With no small amount of horror, he shoves his keys into his pocket and says, “Sorry Butters, but I really gotta go,” as he takes his final steps towards the door.

“I can make it worth your while. Your boy is cursed, but I can make that go away,” the creature croons, stopping Kyle in his tracks, hand freezing on the door handle. “That is what you want, isn’t it?”

Slowly, he turns around.

On the ground a few feet away, the turtle looks up at him, something almost _smug_ in its small reptilian expression.

In a split second decision, Kyle snatches up the turtle.

“Sorry guys,” he says hastily, as he makes his way to the stairs, “I’m just gonna take him for a moment.” Without even waiting for a response, he bounds up the steps and enters his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Then, he places the turtle on his dresser and glares. If it’d been a human, Kyle would have thrown it against the wall and demanded answers. Of course, as it was, he settled for jabbing his index finger at the turtle and narrowing his gaze. “How do you know about Kenny?”

When the creature speaks, its tone sounds infuriatingly bored.

“You humans are always so blind. I watched him die, mortal. And yet, he is here. Furthermore, it is clear that you care for him, and it pains you to watch him suffer. I can make that all go away.”

“How?”

“Why, with a wish of course. One single wish. All I require in return is to be transported back to my home.”

Kyle’s gaze narrows even further.

“All of Clyde’s wishes came back to bite him in the ass.”

“Well of course, only a fool would think that a creature such as I would work for free. That foolish human offered me nothing in return for his wishes. I was not in any way bound to fulfill them correctly.”

“And you would be if I take you to your home?”

“Of course. A favor for a favor.”

Kyle hesitates. He knows he shouldn’t be considering this, it was a damn turtle after all and was probably lying through its teeth. Yet...what if it wasn’t lying? What if by accepting its offer he could finally save Kenny? Could rid him of his curse that caused him to crawl into Kyle’s bedroom windows some nights, covered in blood and with haunted eyes. Could finally bring an end to Mysterion, and the constant worry that plagued Kyle every night he knew he was out there trying to play hero.

It could finally allow Kenny to be free from it all.

The thought no sooner crosses his mind that there’s a light knock on his door.

“Ky,” Kenny’s voice comes through, “are you alright?”

Taking a deep breath, Kyle steps over to the door and opens it, allowing Kenny to step inside, before he shuts it behind him. When he answers, he knows his voice is about as shaky as he feels.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Kenny just looks at him. Regarding him with those knowledgeable blue eyes that always seemed to look right through him. Always seemed to see and understand things that most were blind to.

“You’re lying,” Kenny says softly, gaze never leaving his own.

Kyle swallows thickly. He’s not even sure why he tried to hide the truth, he knew from the start that Kenny wouldn’t buy it. Yet, it’s really not the easiest thing to go and tell the object of his pining affections that he’s been talking to a fucking turtle. Even if this said object of affection happened to have told him of a certain curse where he kept dying over and over and no one would remember it. And Kyle, ever the logical one...believed him anyway.

He sighs. Love was complicated.

“This turtle is talking to me.”

For a moment, Kenny is silent. He looks from the turtle, and then back to Kyle with something contemplative in his expression.

Then, without even making a single joke, he calmly asks, “Well, what is it saying?”

Kyle was really tempted to kiss him. Then again, that wasn’t exactly a new or uncommon temptation.

Shoving that not so small urge into the back of his mind, he replies, “That if I bring it back home it will grant a wish, but won’t fuck it up like it did Clyde’s.”

“Yeah?” Kenny asks a moment before he breaks out into that lopsided grin that never failed to make Kyle’s knees weak. “Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get this little bastard back home.”

Kyle’s heart probably shouldn’t have stuttered so noticeably at Kenny’s easy willingness to string himself along and call the two of them a team. No other questions asked.

He really fucking loved Kenny McCormick.

***

There was a sound under his bed.

Kyle didn’t even peek open an eye to check. Sure. It could be Cartman, crawling in his window from whatever nightmare birthed him, but if it was Cartman there was no way the tub of lard would fit _under_ his bed.

And honestly he’d just had too much of a crappy day to want to check for whatever it was.

“Mortal! I require assistance!”

Kyle continued to lay there, hoping if he stayed still then his problems might go away.

“Quickly! Under the cover of night!”

Oh. And there’s the fucking turtle. Yeah, he _so_ didn’t want to check on whatever was taking it up with _that_ piece of work. No, thank you. So far as he was concerned, not having to deal with the crazy thing was one last thing he’d have to deal with.

“If you do not rescue me this very instant then your wish will become forfeit!”

Goddamnit.

Kyle groaned and opened his eyes.

He wished with every fiber of sanity left in him that he’d kept them shut.

There was the fucking turtle.

And a literal _army_ of horrific little gnomes. All staring at him. And holding little gnome sized weapons.

Kyle didn’t think that _one_ tiny sword would really do much damage, even in the hands of an unthinkable gnomish terror.

Hundreds?

Yeah. That was a whole different story.

Under the watchful gaze of countless beady little eyes, Kyle delicately reached for his phone from where it was still perched near his pillow.

“He’s going to call for help!” One tiny voice cried out.

“Get him!” Another declared, earning an enthusiastic chorus from the rest.

This was just _levels_ of not ideal.

Luckily, he’d barely managed to press dial on his phone. Unluckily it was manhandled away from him by a million tiny hands as they all surged upon him.

He looked to the turtle meaningfully, “I hate you.”

“The emotion you speak of is mutual, mortal,” the turtle replied from where it was tied to a pair of coffee stained boxers.

He hoped to god those were coffee stains.

And that was the last extremely unpleasant sight he had before another pair of underpants was crammed over his head, successfully blocking away his eyesight. He lifted his arms to fight the matter but found every slight motion of his arms was met with sharp jabs.

He slumped his shoulders.

“What do you creeps even _want_?”

“The turtle!” One of them cried.

“It was promised to us!”

“You humans stole it!”

“We could have Infinite underpants, _infinite_!”

“Kill the human!”

“...Wait, murder? We’re murderers now?”

“For underpants?”

The question was met with a unanimous cheer and Kyle reflected that this was the worst possible way to die ever.

Except when he opened his mouth to argue _another_ pair of smelly boxers was crammed in his mouth and secured. He actually _convulsed_ in disgust at the idea and once again struggled vainly against his restraints.

Oh god, he was going to actually die. And over a fucking _turtle_. And _underwear_.

“Well, Broflovski, I’d say this was kinky but I’d become even further concerned over your type.”

“Frvjk uu, Mrrferion.”

Despite his message being garbled, he figured the caped vigilante got the message because there were less spikes directed on him. Or at least he felt less pricks.

“Kill the interloper!”

The army pattered forth and Kyle heard a spraying sound followed by a million cries of dismay. Eventually he heard a screeching little voice scream, “Retreat!” And suddenly they were scuttling over him again to escape to god knows where.

When the patter of tiny footsteps finally departed, the smelly boxers were lifted from his head and there was Mysterion’s cocky ass smirk.

“They tied up your hands with _panties_.”

“Hilarious.” Kyle monotoned, searching for the turtle and spotting it still tied with bra-straps. “Dude, I need your help getting rid of that turtle.”

“Alright my _damsel_ ,” Mysterion’s smirk widened at Kyle’s glare, “But how about we wait until morning?”

Kyle agreed, but only after kicking the stupid smirking vigilante in his dumb shin.

***

As Kyle quickly learns, this cave or whatever that the turtle was directing him to find, was more than just a simple walk into the woods. It was more of a hike. Weaving deep into the trees, traversing riverbeds, and navigating up small yet step rocky inclines. All the way he makes little mental notes of exactly where they’ve traveled so that they won’t get lost on their way back to town. And yet...even with the possibility of somehow getting lost or having to spend the night in the woods without any supplies besides a few protein bars, Kyle isn’t afraid.

He blames that little fact on the calming presence of his traveling companion.

In truth, he can’t help but be stunned at how natural Kenny and nature go together. The blond hardly makes a sound as he walks, gaze constantly flittering between the treetops to the small creatures that scuttle past them in the undergrowth. All the while moving with an easy grace and purpose as if he’d walked this path a thousand times. Occasionally he catches Kyle staring and gives him a wink and a lopsided smile, but other than that remains a mostly silent presence during their trek through the woods.  

It was times like these, during the easy silences and warm naturalness of their relationship that Kyle was hit with the thought that there was definitely _something_ between them. Were he with anyone else, even Stan, Kyle would find it necessary to fill whatever silence there was with meaningless words and trivialities. A constant pursuit to be heard, and an undercurrent of fear that they would find him boring. But it wasn’t like that with Kenny. Instead, when they were alone Kenny would sometimes drop the smarminess he wore as a shield, and Kyle would lose the desire to fill the air with words. And they could just be...them.  

It was nice, and Kyle thinks of maybe asking Kenny to go on an actual hike with him one day.

One day when he isn’t carrying an annoying-ass turtle that Kyle is half tempted to throw in a ditch somewhere and go home so he could forget this whole thing ever happened. But he was doing this for Kenny. That’s all that kept him going.

“We can’t stop now,” he grits at the infuriating creature for the third time, “we’ve already been walking for hours. It’s going to be dark soon.”

“I demand you put me down now, human!”

“Oh my god, fine!” Kyle snaps, tempted to answer its request by throwing the damn thing to the ground. “If it will get you to shut up already!”

To his credit, he places it safely on the ground instead of ‘dropping’ it. Then watches as, with a haughty little lift of its head, it lumbers over to a streak of sunshine that was landing on a nearby rock. With a small little turtle stretch, it settles down in it.

Kyle blinks.

“Are you kidding me right now!?” He snarls, gesturing wildly at the stupid reptile that had decided to stop their journey so it could sun itself on a fucking rock.

The creature ignores him, and with a barely repressed urge to kick it, he turns and storms off into the woods. Not far, just far enough that the damned thing was out of his line of sight.

Kenny follows after him without a word.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into all this,” Kyle tells him with a sharp and humorless laugh as he drops down to sit on a large rock.

For a moment Kenny doesn’t say anything, just situates himself on the rock next to him. Then, with a small upward tilt of the lips he says, “I like spending time with you.” Yet before Kyle can even register his surprise, he continues. “Besides, I always wondered how great your ass would look while hiking. Spoiler alert, it’s pretty fucking great.”

Kyle can’t help but rolls his eyes. “Yeah hopefully nice enough to distract you from the fact that I’ve been talking to a magical fucking turtle that no one else can hear like a damn freak.” He smiles bitterly, “I’m sure that’s real attractive.”

His words hand between them for a pause as Kenny seems to consider them. When he eventually speaks, his voice is soft and sounds a bit far away.

“Do you remember when I first told you about my curse?”

Kyle certainly hadn’t been expecting that jump in conversation, still he nods. Of course he remembered. How could he ever forget something like that?

“I’d been a fucking mess that night. Crying, screaming, fed up with the whole damn world.” He offers a weak smile. “I’m sure I looked real attractive then too.”

“Kenny, that’s not-”

“Let me finish,” Kenny cuts him off, not unkindly, and Kyle nods. “To anyone else it probably looked like I’d finally fucking lost it, but you saw it for what it was. And when anyone else would have laughed, you said you believed me. Not because you had proof, but because you knew I was hurting. Told me you wouldn’t let me go through that alone.”

Heart skipping a beat, Kyle suddenly finds himself unable to look away from the intensity of his gaze. Lost somewhere within the swirl of that butterfly inducing emotion that he was sure Kenny could find reflected in his own.

“I just wish you would have told me sooner,” he manages, voice sounding distant in his own ears. “Seriously told me, I mean.”

“Yeah well that’s the thing about being a fucking coward,” Kenny answers in a low tone that impossibly speeds up the pace of Kyle’s rapidly beating heart. “Sometimes...I don’t do the things that I should.”

He wets his lips and breathes, “Like what?”

Kenny slowly leans in. Kyle’s eyes fall closed as he prepares himself for what he’d been dreaming of.

“ _Humans_!” The arrogant tone cuts through the air and Kyle stiffens, turning his head to glare at the small reptile staring up at them. “I have had enough of the sun. Now if you are quite finished dallying, I’d like to reach my cave before nightfall.”

Kenny’s gentle hand on his arm is the only thing that stops him from drop kicking the damned thing into the forest.

***

When they finally find it, Kyle couldn’t be more relieved. It’d been hours since they started walking, and Kyle had been beginning to suspect that the damned turtle was full of shit and just thought it would be funny to lead them around in circles.

Yet here they were. And the moment Kyle’s eyes land on the cave, there isn’t a doubt in his mind that this was exactly what they had been searching for.

“Holy shit…” Kenny breathes from beside him.

Kyle’s inclined to agree.

It was as if they’d entered another universe. A certain stillness that permeated the air, pulsing with a quiet yet foreign energy. The river of the lake was almost unnaturally clear, as if there weren’t towering trees overhead that should have been dropping leaves and debris into it. And the cave that loomed beside it was large and intimidating, yet as Kyle stared he swore that for a brief moment it flickered out of existence; but then it was back as if nothing had happened at all and he wondered if he’d maybe imagined it. He never would have guessed that a place like this existed out here, only a few miles outside of town. Yet, he was also struck with the sudden and slightly haunting thought that maybe it...didn’t. That maybe places like this never really existed anywhere, that they just _were_.  

“You may drop me off at the entrance,” the turtle tells him, snapping him out of his awe.

Kyle does so, walking over to the entrance of the cave and placing the turtle on the stone ground. Once there, the small reptile turns and looks up at them both.

“Now I do believe we have some business to attend to,” it says in that special little haughty way it had. “The standard rate is one successful wish per favor, and as you have completed your end of the contract, I in turn will grant you one wish.”

With a deep breath, knows the meaning within the carefully chosen words. Still, he’d been hopeful. “But Kenny and I both escorted you, shouldn’t we both get one?”

“Ah, but you see, it was all part of the same task so it is thus considered part of the same favor. Unless one of you have something else you’d like to give up in exchange for a wish. Your most treasured memory, perhaps? Or your first born child?”

“What the fuck? What would you do with a kid? And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re both guys.”

“The reason is of no interest to you, and as for the method, know that all contracts with magical beings are very much binding.”

Something in its tone causes the hairs to stick up on the back of his neck, and Kyle doesn’t for a moment doubt it.

Kyle swallows. “We’ll pass. One wish then.”

“Kyle,” Kenny says quietly to him, looking between him and the turtle in confusion, “what’s going on?”

Taking a deep breath, he tells him the truth. “We only get one wish.”

“Each?” Kenny tries hopefully, making it abundantly clear that he’d had the same hope as Kyle.

He shakes his head.

“Between us.”

“...Oh.”

They trail off into silence. Kyle knows exactly what he needs to wish for, knows that the entire purpose of this trip was to rid Kenny of his curse. Yet suddenly, with Kenny standing beside him, it feels wrong to say the words.

As much as it pained Kyle, it was still Kenny’s curse. He couldn’t make this decision for him.

“Well Kenny,” he says finally, turning to look at him with his best attempt at a smile, “what did you want to wish for?”

Kenny‘s eyes widen in surprise. “What? But Ky this should be yours, you’re the one that got us here. I just helped a little.”

“You deserve it more than I do.”

It was the truth.

Kenny must sense his conviction because after a moment he nods before glancing down at the ground and biting his lip as if in deep thought. Then he turns towards the turtle. “I wish for Karen to get enough financial aid to allow her to go to any college that she wants, for as long as she wants.”

“Kenny-” Kyle says in horror at the same time the turtle says:

“It is done.”

Kyle suddenly can’t breathe, feeling as if he’d just been punched. He stares at Kenny for some sort of answer, some sort of explanation, but Kenny doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Well mortal,” the turtle speaks up, causing Kyle to finally tear his gaze way from Kenny to turn back to the small reptile. “It appears our time together has thus been concluded. But know that once you’ve had a...mental brush with the magical you may see and remember things that you wouldn’t have before.” His voice glimmers with amusement, and Kyle can’t help but wonder just what that means as the turtle spares a brief look at Kenny. ”Farewell human, it has been _interesting_.”

And with that, the turtle vanishes.

Kyle blinks at the spot it once stood in surprise, before turning back to Kenny.

“Kenny you could have wished for anything. Your curse-”

“I know,” he says quietly.

“Then why?”

Kenny gives him a small slightly nervous smile. “I’ve already got everything I need right here.” Despite the strength of his words, Kyle doesn’t miss the too bright glimmer of his eyes, or the single tear that manages to escape. Without a thought, Kyle moves closer so he can wipe away the offending thing, and Kenny catches his hand. Holding it there against his skin as if drawing strength from his touch. “I thought about it, and believe me I was tempted as hell. But I don’t even know what my curse _is_ , Ky. I couldn’t risk giving it up now, only for me to vanish for die tomorrow without ever coming back. Not now.”

He accentuates his last two words with a squeeze to Kyle’s hand still held in his, and a familiar flicker of his eyes down to his lips.

Right. Not when they were most definitely... _something_.

Not when they were most definitely a little bit a lot in love.

Finally coming to terms with the truth, Kyle tugs on their connected hands and tugs Kenny towards him. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Kenny obliges until they stand but a breath away from each other, close enough to admire every shade of blue hiding within Kenny’s eyes. Then, as if pulled by an invisible string, the two of them simultaneously lean in and finally press their lips together.

It’s everything that Kyle had always dreamed it would be and more. A warm and toe-curling feeling, combined with a rush of pure emotion that takes Kyle by surprise. Affection, desire, euphoria. Kyle wraps his arms around his waist and tugs him closer, breaking for air once before going right back in.

He’s not sure how long they spend lost in each other, but by the time they split apart the first signs of nightfall are brushing against the top of the sky. He eyes it a bit worriedly and Kenny giggles.

“This place is magical,” Kenny tells him with unguarded affection and amusement, “untouched by the rest of the world. We’ll be safe here, at least for tonight.”

Kyle’s heart stutters at the implication in his words, and he immediately voices his agreement. Some darker part of him hoping that the stupid annoying turtle would have to suffer through their nightly activities. It could eat its stupid contracts and wishes. .

After all, Kenny might still have his curse, but they also had each other.

And Kyle couldn’t have wished for anything better than that.


End file.
